Eight Armed Oracle Predicts Harrison Victory
By Daniel Bourke-Bourke
(RSNS) Paul, an octopus in Oberhausen, Germany, gained international notoriety by amazing fans with his correct World Cup picks. The magnificent mollusk accurately predicted the outcome of all of Germany’s matches by choosing between two mouthwatering mussels, one for Germany and one for its opponent.
Paul is now attempting to soothsay outside the world of sport, and is making a foray into the ecclesial realm. On Tuesday, July 13, in Houston, Texas, the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod will meet in a plenary session to decide who will be the president of that church body. But if Paul’s track record for picking winners is any indication, the outcome won’t be surprising. The tentacled football forecaster thinks that the Rev. Matt Harrison will beat the incumbent, the Rev. Dr. Jerry Kieschnick, in what could be the Synod’s closest election ever. At the Oberhausen-based aquarium, Paul wasted no time devouring the mussel that was held inside a container bearing a picture of Harrison’s bespeckled and mustachioed visage.
An unconfirmed rumor stated that the eight-armed oracle has been involved in church politics once before when Paul allegedly predicted that Cardinal Ratzinger would be the next Pontiff. Versions of the story have Paul choosing between 90 different princes of the church, a departure from his usual practice of deciding between only two contenders.
It is unknown whether Paul the octopus will be given the opportunity to predict the winner in upcoming Anglican or Presbyterian leadership races.